


Harry Potter and the Suburban Satanists

by DarkPrinceOfClowns



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, suburbian satanists, the suburbian satanists
Genre: Dark, Dark!Harry, Evil, Humor, evil!Harry, satanic, satanists
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-04-26 20:25:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14409933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPrinceOfClowns/pseuds/DarkPrinceOfClowns
Summary: What happens when a family of hobby satanists from suburbia adopts Harry Potter? Guaranteed to be dark, twisted and filled with humour and a few Eldrich monsters. Devils, demons and the Antichrist features inn as well. May or may not end up as a crackfick. Dark humour and insanity.





	1. A Happy Coincident

In a garden in the suburban area of Surrey, a small child was working hard to weed the garden. He looked a bit thin and scruffy and was wearing washed out, baggy clothes that may or may not once have been black.

Sharon DeVille was on her way home from her grocery-shopping, pushing the stroller with her precious Damien inside it up the street as she spotted the dark haired child speaking to a snake. She paused. Well... That was new. Most people around here didn't appreciate the glorious creatures of her beloved Lord and Master... Maybe he'd even want to play with her own son. Not many of these suburban kids wanted to play with him, not after he summoned a small eldrich horror for his last birthday and it devoured one of the guests, Sharon had never been more proud of him! She shook her head. Non of these weak children was good enough for her Damien, that much was obvious. But perhaps this boy...

"Hello there kid." She smiled down at Harry as he shrunk away in surprise.  
"Sorry!" He said and scrambled into the corner. "I'm not being freakish, I swear!" He sobbed, expecting her to scream, and when people screamed then Vernon would drag him inn and lock him up...his little heart was racing in fear that he might even beat him, because the neighbours saw it! He whimpered.  
"What's wrong?" Sharon said.  
"I didn't mean talking to snake, it just happened. It wouldn't stop talking!" Harry knew his defence was weak.  
"Calm down kid. There's nothing wrong with speaking to such a majestic creature as the serpent. Why, Even spoke to the snake, and he freed her from their confining prison and showed her the glory and beauty of pleasure and pain and suffering!" Sharon ranted as she always did when she talked about her beloved. Granted, he wasn't always around, but it was hard work to run a whole kingdom and all, she understood he had to be away a lot. She could always summon him when she needed him...not that he replied to her...but at least he paid child support on time...mostly. But that's okay. She expected him to cheat and lie, that was just one more glorious thing about him. She smiled at the mere thought of him. Maybe she should summon him when she got back. Harry stared at the strange lady with wide eyes. She looked...nice...if a bit unhinged. She wore a strange red dress with a star like symbol on it, and had nice black hair, and she sounded like she didn't think he was bad... Harry tentatively crept closer to her, trying to peek into the stroller.

"W..what do you mean? Vernon always say I'm a freak and a demon child for talking to a s..snake. A...and then he locks me up and I can't have food." Harry mumbled, wondering if it was okay to tell this to a stranger, but she seemed so nice... Nobody had ever been nice to him before, it was strange, but it felt nice.  
Sharon gasped. "He locks you up? Starves you? After giving you such wonderful compliment! And how does he DARE to call such a wonderful blessing a freak?!?" She sounded outraged and shocked. How could ANYONE do such a thing to a creature that was so clearly blessed by Satan?!? Why... he could have been Damien's half-brother! Jealousy flared up and she decided that she needed to have a little...talk...with him later. But for now, she just couldn't leave him there to suffer such treatment. Harry stared at the lady with tears in his eyes. She...she was defending him? Why? He was a worthless freak who didn't deserve anything...why would she do that? He felt obligated to answer her.  
"Sometimes...somethings weird things happen. Like when Dudley and his gang was chasing me, and I went 'poof', and then I was on the roof!" Harry threw his hand up at the poof sound to illustrate it. He didn't understand what had happened, but it was something freakish, his uncle and aunt said so. "And then Vernon beat me with a belt." Harry muttered, not intending for her to hear it, but she did. 

Sharon gasped and knelt down to hug him. "By the seven Hells, child! You are CLEARLY blessed by Satan himself! It is SUCH an honour! You are a wonderful child, how DARE they treat you like this!" Sharon ranted and rambled in rage, refusing to let go of Harry. And Harry, while a bit stiff and unsure of what to do, leaned into the first hug he had EVER had, and tears fell from his eyes as he thought about how wonderful it felt, and if he died now, if uncle Vernon beat him to death for this...it would have been worth it. He thought it must be what happiness felt like. It was even better than icecream! And Harry still remembered that one time when he had icecream...he licked it off the bowl after the Dursley's had finished eating it, and it tasted like heaven. Until his aunt caught him and slapped him across the face, before forcing him to put the plates in the sink and wash them. Icecream was for normal people, not for Freaks.

"Kid..." Sharon hesitated, but she felt it was her duty to take him away from such a horrible place. WHy... they might even have made him go to church! She shuddered at the thought and pushed away the unpleasant memory. Well, not on her watch! No sir-e!  
"Would you like to come live with me and my family instead?" She pulled away so she could look at him. Harry looked shell-shocked.  
"Y...you want me? ME?!?" He quickly covered his mouth with both hands at the raising of his voice in incredulity. No one...NO ONE, had EVER wanted him before! Harry started to cry, he couldn't believe such a wonderful and nice lady would want someone so horrible and freaky as him. But she even said it was not freaky...she said it was a blessing... Harry felt confused.  
"You don't have to, if you don't want to. I get it." Sharon said, but she felt disappointed. However, it was not in her place to say what Satan had intended for this child. She was sure he had a damned good reason. Maybe he was supposed to terrorise them or something...or steal their souls...

"I...I want to..." Harry's voice broke and faded, so he tried again. "I want to come!" He hugged the nice lady again, not wanting to ever let go of that wonderful feeling of being accepted...of being wanted...of not being a freak and a burden.  
Sharon smiled at him and hugged him back, ruffling his hair. "Alright kid. Come on!"  
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" was all Harry could say. Repeating it over and over like a prayer, like a miracle. Clinging to her as if she might vanish. Maybe it was just a dream, and he'd wake up in his cupboard all alone... He never wanted to wake up! He'd rather die than wake up from this dream!

"Hey, kid... What's your name?" She took his hand and lead him to the stroller, pushing it along with one hand, while Harry was clinging to the other like his life depended on it. Vernon was still at work, Dudley was at his friend Pierces place, and his aunt was soaking in the bathtub. Harry just hoped they'd never notice he was gone and he could stay with the nice lady forever and ever and ever.


	2. Meet the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Harry meets the various members of the DeVille familly, and his very first meeting with his new dad....

Sharon lead Harry into the house where she lived, and went to place the groceries in the fridge, when an a slightly chubby, cheerful-looking middle-aged woman walked into the room. Unlike Sharon, with her pale skin and long, straight black hair, this woman had short, brown-blond hair and what looked like a perm. She looked very much like an older housewife...if you ignored the blood red robes with an inverted pentagram on the front that she was wearing.

"Sharon, did you remember to buy milk? Damien ate the cow again... Oh, who is this?" She said as she notice Harry standing there, hiding shyly behind Sharon, clutching at her robes.  
"Harry, this is my mom, Mavis. Mom, this is Harry. He can speak to snakes!" She sounded very exited at this. "And his relatives were totally horrid! They punished him for being favoured by our Lord Satan!" Sharon said in outrage, and from what Harry could see, her mother agreed with her statement if her face was anything to go by.  
"Oh, you poor dear! What kind of environment have you been living inn? You can't possibly go back to such a disgraceful home!" Mavis said to Harry.  
"He's not gonna go back mom. I told him he could stay with me. I'm sure Damien will be happy to have a brother. Y'know... Someone who can teach him to read and write and send hell-hounds on his bullies, that sorta thing. And to play with! The neighbor kids are just so rude! They just...run away from him all the time." Sharon slammed the door to the fridge shut. She could not understand why the neighbourhood kids refused to play with her sweet darling baby. Was it the tail? The hoofs? Okay, so maybe he tried to sacrifice that girl when they were playing 'house', but honestly... She should have just let him sacrifice her bunny. What kid of pretend-wife wouldn't do that? Sharon shook her head.

"Oh, how wonderful! A new little bundle of evil running around!" Mavis clasped her hands together and started to ramble on about all the joys and pains of raising children with a gleeful smile...Sharon drowned her out and snuck away with Harry while her back was turned.

"Come on kid. I think we have an empty room somewhere..." She pulled him up the stairs and looked around before she sighed. Right... That was Benny's room now... Why did they ever take in that deadbeat anyway? Suddenly she got an idea and lead Harry up yet another set of stairs, and pushed open the door to the attic, before walking inn to pull at the string to the light-bulb in the room, revealing a VERY spacious room with a tilted roof and a window on the far end.  
"Alright kiddo. I know it isn't much, but it's not so bad. We'll isolate it before winter comes, and once we clean up the mess, it'll be fine. You'll see." Sharon said.  
In the meanwhile Harry was staring at the room in disbelief. It was so big... He'd never even seen such a big room before, and it was filled with all those weird things and clothes and...was that a goats head?  
"I...it's mine?" He asked with so much awe in his voice that Sharon had to smile.  
"Sure kiddo. Just be careful when you rummage through the boxes up here...you never know where Benny might have hidden his sacrificial knife collection or...Satan forbid...my brother has hidden his porn stash." Sharon sighed at the thought of her brother. He'd loose his own head if it wasn't attached to his body. She walked over to a corner and pulled out a matrass from the corner. It looked clean enough...if you ignored the blood stains...was that wax? She muttered curses at Benny under her breath and turned it over, before telling Harry to wait there while she fetched some clean bedsheets. On second thought, she got two sets...just in case. She didn't want her new son to sleep on something dirty. Sharon might not look it, but she had a mothering instinct that even scared the wits out of Satan sometimes, and was fiercely protective of her son...sons she supposed now. She always wanted another child, but for some reason her kinda-sorta husband was always too busy torturing people or whatever the heck he did all day to have another one. Or maybe he couldn't. She hadn't actually asked him why...

She was pulled out of her mussings as she watched Harry eyeing the boxes with barely contained curiosity and she smiled at him.  
"Go on, kid. Have a look. Just be careful. And if you see any magazines with naked women on them, just...don't...touch." She scrunched her face up in disgust. "I mean... Lust is a fine sin and all, but my brother can be kinda...messy. If you touch anything he's touched; Wash your hands!" She commanded him. Who knew what kind of diseases that head-case might have? And she sincerely doubted they'd come from a human....

She smiled as Harry's face lit up with joy and he rushed over to the boxes, being very, very careful as he looked inside them and hardly even daring to touch the stuff inside of it. She chuckled to herself and shook her head smiling as she made the bed for him. He was such an adorable child. She could hardly wait to teach him all the joys and skills a child should learn, and she briefly wondered if she should summon her husband about adopting him. She knew how the 'normal' people viewed them, their tragic little minds incapable of understanding the greatness of Lord Satan and the glory of Hell... they'd never let her adopt him through any legal means, she was sure of that. No... Her husband would know what to do, and hey... The kid should have a father too. She read about it somewhere, it wasn't good for the kid not to have both a mother and a father, she was sure of it. And who'd be a better role model for the kid that the Lord of Hell himself? She nodded decisively and made a note to herself of talking him him about it as soon as the kid had settled inn.

* * *

The next day little Harry woke up and smiled at the nice dream he had, not wanting it to end. But years of living with his uncle and aunt made him instinctively expect the noise that signalled his tormentor would wake him up any minute. However, as he slowly woke up, memories flooded him and a tiny spark of hope that it might have been real settled into his heart. He could feel the softness of the matrass underneath him, and a pillow, and a blanket! He slowly opened his eyes, scared it might have all been a dream and he would be in the darkness of his cupboard, two seconds before his obese family trampled down the stairs like a herd of wild elephants. He reached his hand out to the side, it met with no resistance. He opened his eyes... The room looked even bigger to him than it had seemed yesterday. There was so much SPACE! He couldn't help chocking back laughter as he wiped away tears of relief. It wasn't a dream! That nice lady really DID take him away!

As he decided to get up. He had to work hard to show this family that he was worth their time. They'd given him his own room! The nice lady had even made him a sandwich before bedtime last night, and it was all he could do to not cry at the nice gesture. He hurried up to get dressed, wondering how long he had been sleeping, thinking he might have been lazy, the sun was already up. Surely they expected breakfast soon? He quietly slunk down the stairs towards where he remembered the kitchen to be, only to be greeted with the smell of bacon, egg, sausages and enough black pudding to feed a small army. He stared with wide eyes at the middle-aged lady who was cooking, unsure of what to do.

"Hello love, grab a plate and help yourself. I'm sure the others will be up and about soon." She smiled at him, acting as if it was perfectly normal that he was given food! He felt a bit bad for not working for it, worrying that if he didn't start earning his way they might kick him out, or force him to go back. Harry's lower lip quivered in fear, and tears welled up in his eyes. He couldn't go back, he just couldn't! He bit his lips and pushed back the tears, but she saw it anyway, and he braced himself for the slap that would surely come. Freaks didn't cry. He still heard his uncles voice ringing in his ears.  
"I...I'm sorry!" Harry whimpered out and curled his tiny hands into fists, forcing himself to not cry.  
"What's wrong dear?" Mavis looked at the child, he looked so scared, so small and fragile.  
"I won't cry! I'll work! I'll work hard! Please don't send me back!" Harry chocked out, willing his tears to stop. Why wouldn't they stop! He flinched as he felt arms wrapped around him, hugging him. Harry could no longer hold back the tears, sobbing as she stroke his back. He had never in his entire life felt anything this nice before! He clung to the nice old lady and cried even more as she comforted him.  
"Oh, dear, sweet child... What did they DO to you over there? Don't worry, sweetie. You will never have to go back there again, never!" mavis hugged the crying child even tighter. What had those wrenched people done to this sweet young child that would make him react like that? She slowly guided Harry over to the table and filled his plate up with a bit of everything. She was sure he'd feel better once he'd have some food to eat. She kept patting his head or stroking his back between running back and forth to finish up her cooking and setting the table.

Harry couldn't do anything but follow her instructions, his mind was a mess, the emotions was all jangled up. Everything was wrong! She didn't hit him. She didn't demand he worked for his food. What were the rules? What was he supposed to do?! And why did it feel so very...right? And the hug! Now he understood why people hugged. His emotions were a mess, fear mingling with happiness, and he didn't know what to do with himself, so he simply sat there and ate the food on his plate. He hadn't had food in so long...he placed his fork down, then picked it up. No! He HAD to eat everything! He placed the fork down again, his small stomach couldn't fit so much food, how was he supposed to eat all this? He bit his lip to stop himself from crying in frustration. He wasn't ungrateful! He couldn't let them think he was ungrateful! He tried again, feeling like he might throw up any minute.

"You don't have to eat everything if you don't want to dear." Mavis said as she noticed him struggle. She knew some families had the peculiar notion of not wasting food, Satan knows why...and she decided that since his former family so clearly had no idea of how to properly raise a child, she could have to teach him herself. She'd raised two children herself...tree if she counted their house-guest Benny, Satan known he acted like a child...and her grandson. She paused, she supposed that if Sharon took little Harry inn as her own son, he was her grandson now. She smiled down at him.  
"Thank you m'am" Harry said quietly, giving her a shy smile. He didn't quite understand why, but when she smiled at him, it felt so good. Nobody had ever done that before he met that nice lady and her mother...  
"Oh, no need for that, Harry. You're Sharon's child now, which makes me your grandma... Call me granny!" Mavis demanded. And Harry couldn't help but feel his little heart swell in joy. He had a mother! And a grandmother! He'd always, ALWAYS wanted a mother! And she was so nice! Not like the drunken, worthless slobs his real parents had been! He smiled a breathtakingly brilliant smile up at Mavis and hugged her.

Slowly the rest of the family trickled into the kitchen and picked up their plates. First it was Harry's new mom, then there was this middle-aged guy with small round glassed (unlike the large round ones his wife had) that made him look kinda funny, especially since he was a bit short, and his hair was more black than grey and didn't quite cover the top of his head, which made Harry wonder what had happened to his hair. He introduced himself as Stan, and Mavis insisted that he was Harry's grandpa, and he smiled and nodded when Harry looked at him, making Harry feel that strange happiness again. Sharon said that her brother Derek and that lazy-ass house-guest of theirs, Benny, rarely woke up until at least lunch, so it wasn't surprising that they were nowhere to be seen near the table.

When they were finished eating, Mavis began to clean up, and shooed away Harry when he tried to help. Sharon got up and gathered the leftovers in a bowl.  
"Hey, kid. Wanna come with me to feed Fido?" She said and smiled at him. Harry smiled back and nodded hesitantly. Did they have a dog? Dogs were scary... they reminded him of aunt Margret.  
"Don't worry, Harry, he won't eat ya. He only eats missionaries and other idiots." She smiled as she lead the way over to the door to the basement and opened it. Harry wasn't very reassured by what she said, but he was getting increasingly curious about 'Fido'. He peered down into the pitch-black darkness down there as his new mom put down the bowl of food on the top step. Harry chocked back a scream and jumped to hide behind her as tentacles much bigger than him rushed up to grab the bowl. He heard the noises of...IT...eating, before the bowl was thrown back up, all the while Sharon was cooing about how he was such a good boy.  
"Fido, this is Harry, he's family!" She said, and Harry screamed as he felt a tentackle hugging him and pulling him down towards that scary thing.  
"Be nice Fido! Now give him back! Don't worry, Harry. He's just a bit playful." Sharon smiled as she helped Harry out of the tentacle and he clung to her robe for dear life. Sharon stroke his hair. "Hey, Harry... Don't worry. Fido won't hurt ya. He's a good boy, you'll see." She inwardly sighed and wondered what the hell that other family had taught him. He seemed to be scared of everything, even Fido, which was just a puppy, honestly... She really should get started on teaching him about life. Clearly his former caretakers had failed at this. But first...

"Come on kiddo. We really need to get you some nice, good robes. Maybe your new dad can conjure up some. He hasn't paid his alimony this month anyway, he totally owes me!" Sharon said and lead Harry further into the house.

The room was painted in black...everything, even the floor and ceiling was black. And there was a pentagram painted on the floor...was that blood?! Harry clung to his new mom, unsure of what to think.  
"Just sit over there, Harry." She smiled and patted his head before pushing him over to a corner. Harry watched as Sharon light the candles and some smoky sticks that smelled nice and began to chant...he wondered what she was doing...what she was saying...but he didn't dare to protest. Sure, this was all really scary, but they hadn't hurt him. They didn't make him do chores till his fingers hurt and his back hurt and throw him into a cramped closet. They'd even given him food! Whatever it was she did, Harry decided, it was guaranteed going to be better than what the Dursley's did. For saving him...for taking him away...for all the nice new feelings he had...Harry loved his new mom. She was the best mom on the world!

Then he whimpered in fear as he watched smoke rising from the floor, and a VERY big darkly red figure rose from the smoke.  
"Why have you summoned me woman?" The creature said in a deep voice, his arms crossed over his chest and his expression stern. Was that horns on it's head? Harry scuttle into the corner as best he could, trying to hide.  
"Non of that, love." Sharon said and slapped his arm. Satan deflated and suddenly didn't look nearly as scary.  
"Sharon, PLEASE! There are protocols to follow!" Satan whined at her.  
"Shush you." She said and walked over to fetch Harry bringing him to stand in front of the scary creature. "You're scaring out new son. Be nice!" She said and the creature now looked like he was about to have a heart-attack.  
"What the... How the... Did we..?" He tried fanatically to remember how the hell he could have managed to get a son that old. Damien was just a toddler. Was she mad at him for sleeping with another chick again? Who the heck had he slept with...had Sharon killed her and taken the kid?

Luckily he was spared more worries, as Sharon opened her mouth to explain everything that had happen.  
"And that's why you're his new daddy!" She finished her explanation with, both Satan and Harry was now staring at her with wide eyes. However, Satan was not unused to her crazy ideas, and he sighed, knowing he'd never hear the end of it if he didn't go along with it...or at least pretended to. Why, oh, WHY did she choose that woman to be his bride?!? He looked her over...oh...right...damn she was hot. At least her body was. That's why. And he was drunk. Very, very drunk. He turned to Harry and smiled...not a very reassuring grin, he WAS Satan after all. Ruler of Hell and all that, he didn't DO nice! But it was a smile, if an evil one.  
"Well...son..." He started a bit awkwardly and patted the kid's head...the kid that looked like he was about to cry...and he did NOT do well with crying. "Oh, would you look at that! Someone else is calling me! I'm sorry son, I have to run. Here, have some gifts!" Satan rushed to vanish in a cloud of smoke, leaving behind a small pile of presents at Harry's feet, leaving him shell-shocked, while Sharon shook her head and glared at the spot he had been, arms crossed and her foot tapping angrily at the floor. Oh, he was NOT going to wiggle his way out of this!  
"Gifts...?" Harry blinked. "F..for me?!" He stared at the pile of gifts with an awed expression and Sharon couldn't manage to stay mad anymore, he was just too adorable. She smiled and patted his head.  
"Yeah, kid. C'm on. Take your gifts with you up to your room. Your mom needs to have a little...chat...with your daddy." She piled the gifts into his arms and shooed him out of the ritual room.

* * *

Harry brought his pile of gifts back up to his new room in the attic and proceeded to stare at them. He had seen Dudley open gifts before, but he had never gotten anyone himself. He felt almost unsure of what to do... He smiled brightly as he picked up the first one, shaking it like he had seen Dudley doing sometimes, before opening it carefully. He didn't want to destroy the wrapping...even if it looked a bit like tar, which was really weird, and he wasn't entirely sure what the strings were made of, but it looked distinctively something that might once have been alive... He shrugged it off and pushed it off. It was gifts! From his DAD! He. Had. A. DAD! He was still in awe at how easily his new daddy accepted him, and it made him feel all warm and happy. He'd never been accepted like that before. Nobody ever wanted HIM, the freak. He pushed the thought away, he didn't want to cry again. It was embarrassing how much he cried. He was also not sure this wasn't just a wonderful dream... It seemed to be too good to be real.

He carefully opened the first gift, and was greeted with the sight of a rather elaborate decorated dagger with a black handle. It looked VERY sharp, and if Harry hadn't been cooking since he was old enough to reach the stove-top, he would have wondered about what kind of father would give that to a child. Instead, Harry smiled. He might not have to cook anymore...and it didn't exactly look like a kitchen knife...but it was his. He would have hugged it if he wasn't so afraid of it cutting him! He placed it on the bed and opened the next one... Which turned out to have a ridiculously comfy onsie jammy that, when Harry tried it on, made him look like a cute little devil, tail and all. And his hoodie had horns! And it was soooooo comfy! Harry hugged himself just to be able to feel the fabric. This was something completely different from Duddley's hand-me-downs. Harry grinned happily as he reached for the next gift in his pile....

The sun was high in the sky by the time Harry was finished, and he sat on the floor surrounded with a small mountain of possessions, grinning like a maniac. He loved his new daddy already, he was the best daddy in the whole WORLD! Okay... so he didn't know what to do with everything, like the cigarettes, or the funny-tasting thing in bottles that made him feel dizzy...but he he had so much stuff, and it was all HIS! He pushed or careful put, his new possessions on the floor and flopped back onto the bed, laughing with the joy that was bubbling up inside him, feeling like his little heart would explode from feeling this much happiness. He didn't know that he could feel that happy. He hadn't ever felt like he was loved, or that he was anything but a burden, but his new parents very clearly loved him. Why else would they give him so many wonderful new tings? He picked up the G.I. Joe doll that, for some reason, had come with a magnifying glass and played around with it, just enjoying the fact that it was his, and that there was no one else around that would take it away from him, then he hugged the strange octopus like plushy to his chest. "Is your name Yog-Sogthrot? Sothroth? What did the tag say again?" Harry hugged his precious new plushy even as he leaned out of the bed to look into the mess on the floor to find the note that it had come with, before flopping back on the bed, labeling it a lost cause once he saw the mess of wrapping paper and unwrapped gifts laying about. He wondered if he had a shelf in his new room. He was sure some of those things were probably decorative items. The eyeballs in a jar HAD to be decorative. It freaked him out at first, but he had to admit they were really pretty, blue like the sky... Harry smiled and laid on the bed hugging his plushy and labeled this the best day in his entire life.

* * *

It was quite a bit later, as Harry was lying on his bed reading one of the strange books he had gotten, the one that had his plushy in it! He absolutely loved his new plushy, and apparently it was named after some kind of godlike creature, and Harry was currently trying to understand the whole concept of how to summon him. It sounded like it was just a fairytale --his aunt and uncle were extremely adamant that magic wasn't real-- but he thought it could be fun to try anyway...even if it wasn't real. It was like a fun game, and then he could pretend his plushy soared down from the stars to him... Harry's young mind was playing with all the ideas for his little fantasy scenario when he suddenly heard one of the doors on the second floor slam shut, and music that he had never heard before coming from one of the rooms. Harry edged off the bed and sneaked down the stairs, wondering what kind of music it was, it sounded so...angry...but kinda nice too... He peered into the room that had the door slightly ajar. Must have been a different door he heard slam shut then he thought, and he carefully pushed the door open, and the music sounding even louder to him.

"Six...six six, the number of the beast~ Hell, and Fire, was spawned to be released!~" The slightly short and chubby guy on the bed was singing along to the music. Was he shaving his head? He looked way to young to be bald, closer to 20 or 30 maybe... harry wasn't sure, but he didn't look much older than his mother. Maybe just a little. His pondering was interrupted when the guy noticed he was there and stopped playing his imaginary guitar.

"...Who are you?" He said, looking at Harry, wondering if maybe the kid was their new sacrifice or something. he didn't really pay much attention to what everyone was talking about, really. Too much work.  
"Um...I... The nice woman..." Harry wasn't sure what to say, and he had never really interacted much with anyone, he was a little scared of people, to be fair.   
"What are you doing up here kid?" The guy asked him, trying to figure out if he had escaped from the basement or something. Harry had put his clothes back on so he did kinda look like a starved prisoner. Harry forced himself to be brave, his mommy wouldn't let someone hurt him...right?  
"M...my new mom told me to go to my room while she summoned daddy for a 'chat'." He said, mentally patting himself on the back for not looking like a dear in the headlights, or running away.  
"Your...Oh...OH!" The guy slapped his forehead. "You're that new kid Sharon picked up, ain't you?" Harry nodded tentatively.  
"So what's your name, kid? I'm Benny by the way. Come inn kid, come inn!" Harry smiled at Benny, who was now sitting on the bed and waving him inside. Well... He SEEMED friendly enough... Harry carefully shuffled into the room, and marveled at all the posters on the wall and the strange things in jars on his bookshelves... there wasn't many books there, but there was ALOT of strange stuff...and a collection of different daggers.  
"Harry. I'm Harry." He said and smiled, unknowingly tapping his fingers to the beat of the music, partly in nervousness. It pulled you inn he thought, even if they sounded angry at first.  
"I see you like Maiden?" Benny smiled at the kid, watching how he looked around the room and admiring his things. He wasn't very good with kids, but he was sure everyone loved music.  
"M...maiden?" Harry asked, looking curiously up at Benny.  
"Iron Maiden, totally awesome band!" Benny proclaimed. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Cradle of Filth and the more heavy shit too, but Maiden is CLASSIC!" He sounded very enthusiastic as he continued to explain the various bands on his posters to Harry, enjoying having this kid watching him with rapt attention and respect. He felt a strangle feeling in his chest at that. Respect... Nobody really respected him, he was a lazy son of a bitch and he knew it. Sure, the family loved him, even if he was mooching off them most of the time, but respect... He found himself liking this kid more and more as he let Harry listen to all the different types music he had lying about.

* * *

It was closing inn on dinner-time by the time Benny finished up his lecture about rock and metal through the ages, with certain visual inputs that left Harry just slightly traumatized...and very, very happy Benny didn't actually have a live bat to bite...that was a very disturbing image to the young boy. Then again, after Fido, and his new dad, he suspected that he'd get used to these kind of things soon enough.  
"Come on Harry. Dinner's ready!" Benny practically dragged Harry downstairs after smelling the air. Harry had no idea how he managed to smell the cooking from all the way up on the second floor and into the hallway, and he couldn't smell a thing until he reached the downstairs himself, but that was just how Benny was he supposed.

"There you are sweetie." Sharon put her arm around Harry and lead him to the table. Harry still flinched when people touched him, but he felt more and more comfortable around his new mother...even if he was also a bit hessitant about trusting strangers that easilly. Still... She was nice, and being hugged was nice, and her arm felt nice...it felt like Love, even if he had never felt it before. He wondered if this was what it felt like to have a real family....

"Now, Harry..." She said as she sat him down and sat down herself between Harry and Damien in his high chair. "I talked to your father, and he promised to spend some quality time with you once you've settled inn here. I'll teach you how to summon him tommorrow, okay, sweetie?" She said, and Harry smiled back up at her shyly.  
"Okay." He said and focused on the food, hessitating with taking anything, still feeling like he didn't have the right to have this yummy food without even working for it. He felt a bit ungrateful and lazy for having spent the whole day enjoying himself, and he certantly hadn't earned this yummy food. The thought made his eyes tear up again, because he really, really wanted it. But he didn't deserve it.  
"What's wrong, dearie?" Mavis said, and Harry looked up at the kind face with the too large glasses of his new grandmother and bit his lip.  
"I...I'm sorry for being a burden." He said, hunching over and blushing in shame. "I'll work harder tomorrow, I promise! Just tell me what to do! I'm really good at cooking and cleaning, I don't burn food anymore!" He said, eager to please his new family and show them how greatful he was. Because he was greatful. He really, really was!  
"Nonsend dearie." Mavis dissmissed his worries, much to Harry's amazement. "Children don't need to work. Just do well in school, that's all you need to worry about." She said and smiled at him. Harry stared at her as if she had grown an extra head at that statement.  
"Y...you want me to do good in school?!" He asked incrediously. "But...what if I accidentally got better grades than them...?" he bit his lip and looked over at Damien who was currently stabbing his food wildly and grinning evilly. He wasn't ready for school for a few more years, but.... And Harry really didn't want to outstage his new uncle...he looked over at Derek, whom may have been sixteen, but was still playing with his food, shaping the mashed potatoes into a...very shapely...woman...   
"Then we'd be very proud of you sweetie." Sharon said, and everyone at the table nodded their heads, and that strange feeling swelled in Harry's chest again, making him want to cry. He blushed and took a bite of his Sheppard's pie to stop the tears from falling, horrified at what they must think about him for being such a crybaby. He didn't understand it...he never cried. Not even when Vernon pulled his shoulder out of it's socket when he was particularly angry and throwing him into the cupboard. But now...he couldn't help himself, even if he wasn't sad or in pain or anything. He decided that his emotions was weird and focused on eating, listening to the rest of the family chatting around the dinner-table and allowed himself a small smile. He felt almost like...like they really WERE his family. 

Maybe Sharon really was his mother! Maybe he had been kidnapped as a baby and left with those mean people! Harry decided that he liked that version of the truth better, and started daydreaming about how it all had happened. It was a conspiracy, like he'd heard when he listened to the programs on the telly from his cupboard. Maybe the Dursley's was from, like, a weird cristian cult or something. He had heard that cristian people hated Satan and magic and anything that wasn't directed by their rules and moral beliefs. They kidnapped people all the time according to the telly! He nodded to himself and decided that he'd believe in that! It was so much nicer than his parents being useless drunks who were stupid enough to drink and drive and then left him behind. He didn't want to believe he was related to the Dursley's either. They were mean and fat and ugly. His new mother...no....his REAL mother, was pretty and nice and cool, and he wanted to believe that it was her genes he had, not the stupid, fat Dursleys! Harry barely noticed that he drifted off to sleep, falling against Sharon's side and hugging her, feeling warm and his stomach was for once full, and felt, for the first time in his young life, that everything was right in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show of hands! How many wants to see Richard, Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead and Mayor of a delightful little village up the coast, in this fic? He really does sound like a close familly friend, doesn't he? ^^


	3. Life in Suburbia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is getting used to the everyday life in suburbia. You all know how it is... A little shopping here, school, homework, friends, going to the Zoo with his father....the occasional ritualistic murder. Perfectly normal suburbian life. Assuming your father is big and red, and his tail sticks out from underneath his trenchcoat in the summerheath. Yupp... Perfectly normal.

Harry brushed his hands down the fabric of his new red robes and marveled in the softness of the fabric. His mother had gotten it for him the day before, and he was still feeling a bit unused to wearing them, but he really, really wanted to fit in with the rest of his family.  
  
He had never been quite so happy before that their house was just shy of the county-line to Greater London, rather than Surrey, which meant that he was going to go to an entirely different school than his old one, and hopefully be less likely to being beaten up by someone like his fat cousin and his gang. He took a deep breath and picked up his brand new, black school-back and headed down for breakfast, hoping he didn't look too nervous.  
"Hello dear. Are you okay? You look a little flushed."  
  
His grandma was setting the table the way she done every day since he got here. It had taken them a week and an acquaintance of Satan whom happened to be a hell of lawyer, and a few threats to the Dursleys to sign the right paperwork, but now everything was finally in order, and Harry was officially a DeVille. They even helped him getting his name changed to Harry DeVille! He felt more and more like he truly belonged here.  
"Hey, grandma. I'm just a bit worried about my new school. What if they don't like me?"  
Harry bit his lip, worrying more about potentially broken bones than loneliness, he had his family now after all. He wasn't going to ask for more than that, even if it WOULD be nice with a friend...  
  
"Don't worry dearie. You're a charmer. I'm sure they'll like you," Mavis told him.  
"And if they don't, just punch those pressure-points I shoved you," Benny said and patted his hair as he walked by him to grab his own breakfast.  
"I will, uncle!" Harry nodded his head rapidly and smiled.  
  
Apparently, Benny was too lazy to be bothered to fight fair, plus, fighting fair was just stupid when you were short, so he decided to even the odds by learning ways to knock out or kill an opponent with minimal work involved.  
  
He tried to teach some of those tricks to Harry, because he didn't want his new favourite nephew to have to suffer through the embarrassment of being beaten up in school. Some people just didn't appreciate it when men wore robes and couldn't tell them from a dress. Not that he would tell Harry that, he figured it would do the kid some good to learn it the hard way and gain some confident by beating up the moron himself instead of worrying about it.  
  
By the time everyone had eaten their breakfast and Sharon and Harry were on their way to school, Harry was feeling a bit better about it. He had been reading some of Derek's old school-books from the first grade, and with some help from his mom he felt relatively confident that he would understand everything and make him mommy proud of him.  
  
* * *

After the first few days, Harry was starting to walk with Derek to school, once Sharon felt that Harry knew the way well enough to not get lost along with his easily distracted, very air-headed uncle.  
  
It took almost a week, but by that time the bullies in school, who had tough he would be an easy target, had learned their lessons and generally left him alone to pick on people who didn't kick them in the balls or, on one memorable occasion, almost gouged the eyeballs out of their leader. They might be stronger than him, and several people, but he was just too much trouble. Why pick on someone who can hurt you when there are so many people who just quiver in fear and hand over their lunch-money anyway?  
  
Besides... it was embarrassing to have to admit they were just a little intimidated by a firsty who seemed to have a complete lack of regard for human life and health. Even the worst bully at the school didn't want to risk killing or maiming their victim...just scared them shitless and maybe beat them up a bit. They weren't really bad people. At least they told themselves that. And that weird kid just creeped them out sometimes.  
  
* * *

Sharon brought Harry with her to the ritual room, and started setting up the candles, allowing Harry to help hand her things, and watch her work, so he could learn how to do it himself.  
"This is important so pay attention kiddo." Sharon said and smiled at Harry's enthusiasm.   
"Okay mom! I'm just happy to see Father again. Do you think he'll have time to hang out with me today though? He seemed really busy last time," Harry said, hoping that he would have some more time to get to know his Father.  
  
He'd never had a dad before, not one he could talk to, and everyone else around him always had a dad, and their dads took them to fun places and did fun stuff with them...Harry had always been envious of that.  
  
"I know you read the book I gave you, so pay attention to the intonation of the words, and the gestures, alright?" Sharon explained.  
  
As Harry nodded she began to speak the forbidden words that would summon Satan onto Earth, and to allow him to walk around freely at his leisure. something most ritualists would never in a million years dare to attempt or allow, but Sharon was confident that he wouldn't overstay his welcome or harm them. She was practically married to him anyway, he just hadn't proposed because his father wouldn't like it, or maybe there was some kind of law in Hell that forbidden marriage with a human, or something...anyway...she was sure he had a really good reason for it.  
  
He clearly liked her well enough to take her as his mistress anyway, so she wasn't overly worried. And if some other bitch tried to steal him, she'd just dispose of the rival. Easy-peasy. She focused on the task again as she watched Satan's majestically red figure rise from the steam and smoke.  
  
"Why has thou called me here, woman?"   
"Don't be like that, love. Remember, you agreed to spend some time with your son today. Make it a father-son day, yeah?" Sharon said as she slapped Satan's arm lightly. Satan deflated and sighed before smiling at Harry.  
"Oh, right. Well then...son..." He patted Harry's hair with his own enormous hand and tried to think about what activities people usually did. "Sooo.... Harry, was it? What do you want to do?" Satan asked him, unsure of what to suggest himself.   
"Can we go to the zoo?!" Harry's green puppy-dog eyes light up in awe of being allowed to choose. His new family was amazing! And his father asked him for HIS opinion! How great was that?!   
"Well... I suppose...." Satan looked down at his red body and loincloth, twirling his tail in his hand. "I suppose I will need some...er...disguise."  
  
He coughed awkwardly. He might be very, very good at putting the fear of Hell in mortals and rule the place with an iron fist, but this father-son thing...on earth.... Yeah, not so much.  
  
"Oh, don’t ya worry, love. I got it all covered!" Sharon said and pulled out a long, black trench-coat and a hat.  
  
If one just ignored the fact that it was summer...and the tail...Once he shrunk himself down to the size of a normal human....he...still stood out, but he could almost pass for a human...as long as nobody looked too closely anyway. Harry just grinned widely, thinking his dad looked like those cool spies on the telly.  
  
* * *

Once they arrived at the zoo, and Satan had hypnotized the ticket-boot officer to hand them two tickets for free, Harry began to drag his new father around to stare at all the different animals. He had never seen most of them, and it was absolutely amazing to see them all! Harry was a bit disappointed that all the lions did was lazing about, but he was absolutely fascinated by the snake tank. He spoke to one of the snakes briefly and listened to her grievances about longing to go back to Brazil, and Harry really wished he could help her.  
"Can you help her Father?"  
He looked up at Satan with those damnable green puppy-dog eyes and Satan felt his heart melt just a little bit more. And he had thought Sharon was bad...her screeching and violent tendencies was scary enough to make him do as she said, but this kid made him want to help him and if he ever, Hell forbids, cried, he would move Hell and Heaven to stop it and he absolutely hated it!  
  
"I...well...Yeah, well... We can't just let her out. England is too cold for her, and Brazil is really...really...far..." Harry kept staring at him, damn those green too big eyes! "Okay! Okay! I'll... get one of my human agents to come and take her home, okay?!"  
  
He stared at the kid, eye twitching in irritation. Harry's grin light up the entire world and he hugged Satan, thanking him repeatedly. Satan couldn't help but hug him back and he melted even more, he grumbled as he silently cursing Sharon and the damned adorable kid yet again. This was bad for his image.  
  
It goes without saying that when Harry later asked if he could have ice-cream, and when asked which flavour he wanted, he said "All of them?"  
  
Satan ended up buying him a humongous ice-cream-cone with 21 different flavours and a few magic-infusions to stop it from melting too quickly, falling apart, or being too heavy for a small child to carry. Harry was extremely happy, declaring it the best Father-Son day ever! Satan felt a strange fatherly pride blossom in his chest at that and had to fight the smile that threatened to mar his stoic face. He failed miserably.  
  
* * *

The next few weeks passed quickly and Harry easily fell into the routines of his new life, enjoying each and every day more than he had ever thought possible. He soaked up the knowledge that his new family bestowed upon him, slowly taking in their values and beliefs and making them his own.  
Then, one day, something quite magical happened to him...  
  
"Mom! Mom!" Harry ran in the door excitedly one day near the end of the school year, throwing his backpack by the door almost forgetting to take off his shoes in his rush to tell her the news.  
"What is it honey?" Sharon smiled at him. Harry was absolutely adorable when he was exited like this, even if he didn't have the diabolical cuteness of his baby brother.   
"I set the teachers hair on fire today!" Harry beamed with pride. "I was just soooooo bored, and Mr. Johnson just droned on and on and on... And I just wished his head would catch on fire so he'd stop being so boring, and it just happened!"  
Harry grinned widely. It had only take a few weeks, some books, and a few ritual sacrifices to make Harry understand that there was no reason to pity the weak. If they couldn't defend themselves, they deserved what they got.  
  
It was not like the Dursley's had ever taught him any morals anyway. If everything you do is wrong, how was he to tell what was the right and wrong thing to do? It didn't really matter what was right and wrong. And they made damned sure he never had any friends or other adults who could teach him either, for that matter.   
The DeVilles was much more consistent though; Killing or maiming fools, idiots and people who annoyed you were perfectly alright. Helping old ladies across the road or follow anything the bible said was wrong.  
  
This lead to Harry making a list of the commandments and made a commitment to break as many of them as he possibly could, as often as he could be bothered. He marked his achievements with a small reversed pentagram sticker. Harry was starting to gather so many on some of the commandments that he considered moving the list into a book instead, so he could track his achievements better. Him mom promised him that if he gathered enough pentagrams by Samhain, he'd get a gift! Harry happily worked hard to collect his stickers.  
  
"Oh, sweetie, that's awesome! I'm totally way proud of ya!"  
Sharon hugged her son and praised him for his achievement. She made sure to praise him every single time he did any magic, accidental or not, and he was becoming better at making it happen. She patted Harry hair again and promised him they could go to the zoo to celebrate it. For some reason, he'd become fast friends with one of the boa constrictors there and he was always excited about seeing her.  
Harry hugged him mom back, grinning from ear to ear. His mother was proud of him, and it made him feel even more proud of himself. He decided that Lucifer was totally right; Pride was the best feeling ever!  
"Oh, and mom! I think I made a new friend in school today!" he told her.   
"Really? Well, come in and have some dinner with the rest of us, and you can tell the whole family all about it, and about the teacher. I bet ya they're all really proud of ya," Sharon replied and ushered Harry into the kitchen, where the rest of the family had gathered.  
  
Harry simply grinned at all the praises he got from setting the teacher on fire, and excitedly told them about this interesting bookworm of a girl he'd met in school today. She had punched the bully in the nose, not that it had stopped him, but lucky for her, Harry thought that someone who punched Big Mike in the nose would have to be fun to hang out with, and nobody wanted to get on his bad side, not after what he did to Jim.  
  
* * *

Harry ran upstairs after dinner, hugging his Yog-Sothoth plushie and flopped down on his bed, grinning happily.  
  
He couldn't help but loving each and every second of his new life. As bad as thing had been before, that was as good as they had become.  
  
Sure... his new family might not agree with the rest of society on...most things, and their values might at best be referred to as eccentric...but they loved him for who he was, and encouraged the strange, magical things he could sometimes do, instead of slapping him, or locking him up in a closet without food.  
  
Besides...the more he was learning, the more he found he agreed with their beliefs. It sounded perfectly reasonable when it was explained to him properly, and the morals and values most of the other idiots and sheep had didn't ever seem to have any logical reason behind it other than 'It's evil' or 'It's wrong'. Harry thought those reasons HAD to be the most stupid things he had ever heard.  
  
Hell....Even the teacher talked about Darwin as a guy who knew what he was talking about, and Sharon had told him all about his theory of Survival of the Fittest, so they were all clearly hypocritical.  
  
Harry picked up The Satanic Bible from his nightstand and flipped to the page he had bookmarked and started reading.  
  
 _“Why should I not hate mine enemies―if I "love" them does that not place me at their mercy?”_


	4. Cthulhu Fhtagn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry aquires a new pet. Whatever will he do with it~?

Sharon smiled down at her son as she watched him sleeping, with the Satanic Bible having fallen to the floor as he fell asleep. Harry woke up as she was stroking his hair.

"Mom?" he muttered confused, not remembering falling asleep.  
"Remember to take everything you read with a pinch of scepticism, kid. LaVey is a great guy, but he refuses to believe in your dad's existence," she explained, which made Harry laugh as he remembered how he'd been to the zoo with Satan just some few days earlier, so he clearly did exist.  
Harry smiled up at his mother, still half asleep. He remembered how his father had a good laugh at that fact. LaVey would find out when he died anyway, Harry thought. What he wouldn't give to watch THAT meeting. Harry snickered to himself.

"Alright, kiddo. Splash some water on that tired face and come to join the family for dinner. Your dad wanted to see you afterwards, he had something important to talk to you about, apparently. Called it a 'Father-Son' thing," Sharon huffed. She didn't like it when Satan was keeping secrets from her. Perhaps because his secrets always seemed to involve other women. Although she couldn't for the life of her fathom how THAT topic would be included in a conversation with his son, so she decided to let it slide. Maybe it was some kind of guy thing.  
Harry placed the Satanic Bible on the bedside table and stumbled into the new adjourning bathroom the family had gotten set up in his attic. There was still some mess lying about in a corner, but for the most part, this was utterly Harry's room now, and it brought a smile to his lips whenever he thought about it.  
'Mine,' he thought possessively.

He'd never had something that was all his before, and every time he had gotten anything from someone else, it was always taken away from him. Usually by his baby whale of a cousin. The more he thought about his former life, the angrier he felt these days.  
Before he had come to this new, wonderful family, he hadn't fully understood just how bad the Dursley's were treating him, but now that he had something to compare it with, he could look back at it with righteous fury at their treatment of him.

And as his self-esteem grew, nurtured by the slowly increasing trust that these people ACTUALLY cared about him, that he was WORTHY of love. Combined with the new Satanic values that he kept picking up from everyone around him, he felt a more profound and deeper need to take revenge on them! His eyes glanced over at the Necronomicon at the bedside table, and he smirked. If that thing REALLY worked...oh, what fun he could have!

His family smiled at the dark, evil grin Harry had on his face when he entered the kitchen. They were happy to see that he was learning their ways fast. It certainly did help that nobody had taught him any morals, other than 'everything you do is wrong', which made it easier for their new family member to cast aside everything he had learned, as soon as they managed to teach him that it was the Dursley's who were wrong, and not him.

Harry had taken to Satanism like a fish to water. Much helped by Benny and his surprisingly extensive collection of Satanic music. A lot of it was quite catchy, and Harry had even begged his mom to buy him a poster of Eddy, the mascot of Iron Maiden. For some reason, he just adored their monstrous mascot. Sharon blamed it on Mavis and her penance for classical literature, which included reading Frankenstein to him as a bedtime story. Not that she minded much, she was currently reading him H.P. Lovecraft classics. And she was immensely proud of him for only coming running into her room after that thunderstorm. In retrospect, it might not have been the best book to read for children.

* * *

When Harry woke up the next day, his first thought was to head down to the local bookstore and see if they had gotten in some new Lovecraft books. He had been terribly disappointed when it turned out that they had nothing on anything magic, and the store clerk, who found it adorable that the kid still believed in magic, told him he had to go into London to find any books on magic. Apparently, London had everything. But she couldn't tell Harry exactly where. Instead, she suggested that he looked it up on the net, which Harry figured he could always do. Maybe Benny knew these things better, come to think of it.

Harry did, however, manage to find a book in the used section that looked more like it had been home-printed than factory made, which in itself made it fascinating.  
"Creepypasta Stories..." Harry read, and flipped through it. It was filled with interesting characters, with strange names like 'Laughing Jack' and 'Jeff, the Killer'. Harry decided that it was totally worth spending a few pounds to buy it. Harry walked out of the store a few pounds lighter, but quite happy, as he made his way back home.

Just as Harry was about to reach his house, he watched as two preachy looking young adults push open the white pickled fence gates and ring the doorbell. He sighed. They were so clearly Jehovah’s Witnesses. Harry really didn't understand why those happy-happy morons kept trying to convince his family to join the rest of the sheep in their backwards, mindless 'bliss' of bending over backwards to serve some asshole in the sky that didn't even bother to pay attention to their prayers, much less help anyone. He glared at them as his grandpa opened the door and listened to them spew their nonsense about eternal love if you just bent over and let their asshole deity fuck you over while you ran around working like a slave for a vague chance of going to an incredibly dull place when you died. Okay... They might not have worded it quite that way, but that was what they were saying, really.

But before his grandpa could reply, an incredibly long, inhumanly and slightly monstrous...tongue launched out and pulled them in, making Harry jump back in shock, before laughing his ass off as Fido spit out their skulls on the front lawn. Well...those two indeed wouldn’t cause problems for them anymore he thought and picked up one of the skulls as he walked in, tossing the other one down to Fido, so he had something to play with, even if he couldn't properly digest it.

"Yuck! You drooled all over it, Fido!" Harry grimaced at the skull. "I better wash this before putting it on my shell. Grandpa! Where's the dish-washing soap?!" Harry yelled at his grandfather.  
His grandfather chuckled and picked the bottle off the bench in the kitchen, before telling him that his mother wanted to speak with him in the ritual room. Apparently, his father had gotten him some kind of belated birthday gift.

* * *

It was getting close to bedtime, and Harry was laying on his bed, playing with the new mobile phone he had gotten from his dad. His father knew something about his biological parents that required him to have the number to a damned good lawyer, and strict orders to call him if anyone tried to use any legal means against him, as well as a pentagram necklace he could use to summon his dad with.  
Harry wondered what was so bad about his biological parents that it garnered that kind of protective measures, but then Satan showed him how to download games, and Harry forgot all about his questions in favour of shooting pixelated zombies.

By the time it was almost midnight, his mother had to pry the phone out of his hands and read him several chapters of The Dunwich Horror before Harry finally gave in to his tiredness and went to sleep.  
Sharon smiled and stroked his hair, before tucking him in, making sure his new phone was out of reach on a shelf, and Harry firmly asleep.

While she had sighed exasperated at how much Satan seemed to spoil his new son, to make up for never really being there for him, being in charge of Hell and all... She was secretly pleased that he had gotten Harry a mobile phone and proceeded to input the phone number to everyone in the family, as well as the necessary emergency numbers. She did feel a lot safer when she knew that she could call Harry whenever he went outside to play and that he could contact her easily enough if he ever got in trouble.

She was far less happy to see the number of Satan's son with that damned slut he had seduced before he met Sharon, but she had to admit he was the best-damned lawyer money could buy. Plus... The woman was an old hag now anyway, and Sharon was a million times prettier than her!

* * *

The next morning when Harry woke up, he had decided enough was enough. After tossing and turning half the night from nightmares, and only the light from the lamppost outside his window made him stop fearing that he was back in his cupboard again, enough was enough. Harry refused to let his fear of his aunt, uncle and the wale of a cousin scare him anymore! He was going to get strong! And then he was going to make them regret every single punch, every bruised arm, every burn from making him cook, every single time he went hungry... ooooh, they would PAY!!  
Harry pushed himself off the bed and walked over to his bookshelf, grabbing the book about Dark Magic that his father had given him. He grimaced at how small the practices and spell in the book was. He knew he was a beginner and hadn't really done this before, but there HAD to be a better way... His eyes caught a glimpse of the Necronomicon and grinned darkly. He grabbed a notebook and a pen and started to flip through the book, looking for just the right creature to summon.

He might not be the most powerful magician in the world just yet, but he was sure you didn't need all that much power and skills just to summon someone. The trick was to call someone or something that DID have that power!

It might not be something that any magic school taught, and if asked, most wizards would claim it was impossible, and that those creatures could not possibly exist. After all, it was just muggle fiction, right? But wizards tended to forget the ONE rule of life; The key to success is to not know that what you're trying to do can't be done. That went double with magic in the picture.

* * *

That was how his mom found him, several hours later when Harry still hadn't shown up for breakfast. Pieces of paper with childish handwriting and drawings of strange symbols littered the room and the walls. And Harry was writing like his life depended on it, looking more like a mad scientist than a young child. She sighed but couldn't help but smile at his childish antics. She decided to let him have his fun with whatever he was researching and went back downstairs to get him some toast with an egg on it, and some of his favourite black pudding. She was not about to let him go hungry just because he was obsessing over his new toys after all.

"Come on, sweetie," Sharon said as she pushed the still untouched plate in front of Harry. "Ya gotta eat somethin'."  
Harry glared at her through his bangs and huffily blew the hair out of his face. Long hair looked totally awesome in the music videos his uncle had shown him, but it was annoying as hell sometimes. Sharon chuckled and pushed the hair out of his face and behind his ears. Harry stared defiantly at her while he grabbed a slice of black pudding and munched on it, before washing it down with some water.

"There! I've eaten!" he growled and went back to his obsessive reading and note-taking, the floor slowly starting to fill up with crumpled up mis-drawings and discarded notes. Sharon sighed and got off the bed.

"Alright, sweetie. But if you ain't down by dinner, I'll come to drag ya down, you hear?" She gave him her best motherly glare, which was destroyed by her slightly upturn mouth before she walked back out and closed the door to his room, shaking her head in amusement.

"Oh, hey, Derek." She said, noticing her brother was headed for Harry's room. "I wouldn't disturb him right now, alright? He's obsessing like the devil over those Cthulhu stories," she told him, and Derek stared sadly down at the book in his hand as he staggered away. "Kids!" Sharon muttered to herself and laughed, shaking her head again. He must have been excited to show her new son that new book he was reading on.

Sharon decided she should just go get the shopping over and done with, and let kids be kids. At least until dinnertime.

* * *

It had taken him almost a week's worth of studying, and nearly half another week to beg, trick, and when all else failed, steal, everything he needed for the big summoning ritual, but Harry was now finally ready! All he needed was to wait for the witching hour to come so he could get started.

In the ,meanwhile, he scribbled a sign on the door so nobody would disturb him, and popped in Bitter Suite for Succubi by Cradle of Filth, and pushed his cd player close up to the window. For some reason, he didn't think their neighbour would look too favourably upon their cat going missing, and then hear it scream as he tied it down and sacrificed it to Yog-Sothoth. But with Cradle of Filth screeching in the background, he felt confident that the wailing of a cat wouldn't stand out too much from the rest of the music.

Harry was currently drawing up the last symbols to open the gate and summon an eldritch horror, while mentally preparing himself to kill the slightly chubby neighbour’s cat. In honesty, he felt a bit queasy at the prospect of killing, even just a cat, but he kept his focus on his goal, and every now and then quoted his latest hero; Darth Bane, steeling himself.  
‘There is nothing wrong with killing someone for your own gains,’ he thought.

The strong would survive, and the weak would perish. It was a law of nature. They even said so on those nature shows on the telly. He was well within his right to do this, as he was CLEARLY stronger than the cat! He got irritated at himself for his hesitation to do so. The Dursleys DESERVED to suffer! And now HE was the one who was strong, not them! He had EVERY right to take revenge and make them regret mistreating him! He nodded decisively to himself and set to work, as his new cell phone rang out the alarm, telling him it was time.

After changing his usual red robe to a black one, pulling the hood over his head and raising his hands, Harry stepped inside the circle started to chant.

_"Zazii, Zamaii, Puidmon the Powerful, Sedon the Strong, El, Yod, He, Vau, He, Iah, Agla, protect me and help me when I summon the Gate!”_

At this point, Harry made sure to light the incense and the black candles he had set up.

_“No evil may approach from the North!  
No evil may approach from the East!  
No evil may approach from the South!  
No evil may approach from the West!  
No evil may approach from Zenith!  
No evil may approach from Nadir!”_

Harry made sure to bow towards the appropriate directions at each line he spoke.

_“The Flaming Circle locks everything in!  
Draba, draba, kalta, kalta, entemoss!  
The Flaming Circle locks everything out!  
Draba, draba, kalta, kalta, entemoss!  
Accar, Zour and Maroud!  
Lock the circle and let no evil pass through!  
Draba, draba, kalta, kalta, entemoss!”_

Harry walked around the circle, holding sage incense in one hand, and a fan he used to fan the smoke within the other.

_"Per Adonai Elohim,  
Adonai Jehovah Adonai Sabaoth,   
Metraton Ou Agla Methon,   
Verbum Pythonicum,   
Mysterium Salamandrae,  
Cenventus Sylvorum,   
Antra Gnomorum,  
Demonia Coeli God,   
Almonsin GiborJehoshua.   
Evam Zariathnatmik,   
Veni, Veni, Veni!"_

Harry raised his hands above his head, placing his thumbs and forefingers together to create a triangle, before turning his right hand down, to turn half the triangle on its head. And then he followed it with his left hand, ensuring he was now creating the triangle upside-down. Afterwards, he turned the triangle the right way up and placed it on his forehead. 

Then he began chanting again.

_"Hear me! King of Infinite Space! Planetmover! The Foundation of Fastness! Ruler of Earthquakes! The Vanquisher of Terror! The Creator of Panic! Destroyer! The Shining Victor! Son of Chaos and the Void! The Guardian of the Abyss! God of the Outermost Darkness! Lord of Dimensions! Riddle-knower! Guardian of The Secrets! Lord of the Labyrinth! Master of the Angles! God of the Whiporwills! Omega point! Lord of the Gate! The opener of the Way! The Oldest! All-in-One! The One by Life Prolonged! Umr At-Tawil! Iak-Sathath! YOG-SOTHOTH NAFL'FTHAGN!!! Your servant call upon you!"_

Harry picked a staff he had created up from the ground and drew a line from right to left, then from above his head and down, and last from the front to behind him. Twisting it, he focused all his magic, visualising how it was pointing into the Fourth Dimension, perpendicular to the other directions. Slowly an eight-rayed star started to shine where he pointed. Must be the star of Chaos the book had described he thought gleefully. It was working! Now he could finally begin opening the Gate!

Clasping the staff with both hands, he held it out horizontally as he started to chant.

_"Yog-Sothoth knows the Gate. Yog-Sothoth is the Gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the Gate. Past, Present and Future, all is one in Yog-Sothoth._

_By that which is not to be named. By Azathoth. By Nyarlathotep. By Shub-Niggurath. By the two snakes. By that which created the Voids. By Kadath in the Cold Waste. By the Plateau of Leng. By Yuggoth. By the moon-lens. By the imprisoned. By the free. By Samas, Gibil and Nusuku. By the High Name of Ea. By the Seven Demons._

_Guardian, let the Gate be opened!_

_By Chaos. By the Void. By the Light. By the Darkness. By the Air. By the Fire. By the Water. By the Earth._

_Key, open the Gate!  
By my sacred oath.  
Let those who want to leave come out! Let those who wish to enter come in! Let us see into the Hiding Light! Let us see into the Blinding Darkness! Rend the Veil! Crush the Mirror! Reveal the Illusion! See, the Gate opens!"_

Harry slowly twisted the staff into an upright position, tearing into the very fabric of reality. As he was Rendering the Veil, he could see the air getting unclear, like heat-waves rising on a hot day. Invisible, yet apparently there. Reality twisting around him as he fought hard to keep turning the staff, focusing all his magic into his actions and words.

_"See, the Nodes are filled with Power! See, the Lines are filled with Power! See, the Angles twist and open!"_

There was a sound, like a scream or shattering of the very reality itself as he spoke the last words, and reality ripped open, and something was clawing its way out.

* * *

Harry didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He stared at the Eldritch horror he had summoned. It stared back. It made a sound that would have been terrifying if it did not come from a creature that was approximately the size of his own shoes. It was...adorable! Harry hugged his little octopus-human-demon...thing. It squealed in joy, and its tiny tentacles tried to hug him back.  
Well... It wasn't exactly the result he was hoping for, but Harry decided to count it as a success. And...maybe it would...grow.  
"What do you eat anyway?"

* * *

It had taken several weeks, and quite a few additional spells and rituals, but the newly named Freddy (named after Eddie, the Iron Maiden mascot), had now reached a respectable enough size that the family told him he had to leave the house. The basement only had space for Fido after all. So, Harry decided to summon his dad and ask what he should do about him.

"Well, son..." Satan looked at the tentacle besotted vaguely humanoid creature with uncertainty. "I'm not sure he'd do particularly well in Hell. It's kinda dry, and he looks like he'd need water..." Satan pondered a bit longer. "Wait here!" He said, and vanished in a poof of smoke, only to re-appear a few moments later, with a pouch in his had.

"You have GOTTA teach me how to poof like that!" Harry said, and Satan couldn't help but smile and laugh at his eager son.

Oh, he hoped the kid would stand by Damien when the time came for the apocalypse. He realised he probably should begin to train Harry for that, just...one bit at the time. It would be a hard pill to swallow for any kid, but if he worked it the right way, he was sure his son and heir, Damien, would get the best helper he could ever have when the time for the apocalypse came.

"Here, kid. This is a magically expandable pouch. Don't ask me where I got it from, that guy's just..." Satan shuddered. "Anyway... It can hold a whole village in there. Literally. So he'll have plenty of space to roam around. And you can grab him at any given time."

"Thanks, dad!" Harry said excitedly, while Satan pulled out two video-games, named 'Lucien' and 'Lucien II'.

"And here, son. I wanted you to have these. I hope you'll learn something from them too, alright?" Satan said as he handed the games to his son. "Be creative Harry." Satan smiled as his son hugged him. Harry had only recently gotten his own pc, and he absolutely loved playing games.

"Thanks, dad! You're the best!" He said and ran out of the room to show his mom.

* * *

The next day, Harry was all packed and ready to go visit his former family. He changed into the jeans and grey hoodie that he had bought just for this occasion, as well as putting on his blue contacts. He briefly considered colouring his hair, but he decided he didn't see the point. There would be no evidence of their death left behind anyway, Freddy would see to that. Whistling he went downstairs, checking his wristwatch. It was just past 9pm, perfect. They'd open the door, but most people would be off the streets at this time of night, so there would be as few witnesses as possible. He didn't really stand out much from the average kids either, and in the dark, nobody would really notice his hair-colour much anyway. Brown and black hair were common here after all.

Harry carefully sneaked out the door and down the street, making sure to hide whenever there seemed like somebody might see him. It might not have been strictly necessary...it wasn't unusual to see a kid walking, presumably, home around this time...but Harry had watched enough crime shows by now to know that if you were going to kill someone, you had to be sneaky and make sure there were no witnesses. It was always the witnesses that told the cops you had been there, and that got you dragged down to the station. And then they tricked you into admitting what you had done, another thing Harry had learned from crime-shows on the telly; Deny, deny, deny. No matter how much they push or what they threaten with. He couldn't remember seeing a single bad-guy ending up in jail without confessing first. Maybe they couldn't send you to prison unless you admitted to the crime? Harry pondered that thought while silently sneaking past the hedge of number 4 Private Drive.  
Now... How would he get in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make no guaranteed as to what exactly will happen should anyone actually try this ritual at home. Althought it IS a real ritual, taken from the Lovecraftian inspired branch of magic. I do aim to be as realistic as possible and use real sources whenever I am able to do so.


	5. Scholomance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time flies, and the birthday boy get to experience his very first sacraficial ritual... and perhaps get a long term wish fufill, thanks to a sneaky little creature with a love of shiny objects.

'The tragedy in Number 4 Private Drive in Surrey sometime last night left two adults and one child killed in what can only be described as 'beastly' way. This is the most gruesome case the country has seen since the Acid Bath Murders in the early '40s. 

Police claim they do not have any information on the culprit at the current time, but promises that they have their best men investigating the case.

As of now, it is hard to know for sure what exactly happened, but the sheer brutality of it have some people speculate that there was some kind of wild animal or a pack of animals that were let loose. 

Satanic symbols had been scribbled on the wall, and it was theorised that it was the work of some kind of a cult, possibly one with connections to a research facility, as experts claim that no known animal could probably have inflicted the damage. 

Rumours have it that the symbols were from popular fiction written by H. P. Lovecraft, and the police are looking into fanatical fans of this, or perhaps an underground secret society of mad scientists, or devil worshipers.

Inquiries are being made as we speak into the Lovecraftian society. Read more about this gruesome murder in the Evening Standards later today. '

* * *

"Good work, son. Good work." His grandpa patted his back proudly as he passed the newspaper over to his wife. 

"I knew you had it in you, kiddo!" Harry's mom gave him a quick hug before she went to fill her plate with egg and bacon.

"Well done, Harry!" Benny ruffled the hair of his favourite ... er ...nephew. Harry was aglow with the warm fuzzy feelings of being loved, and of having achieved something that he could be proud of.

Approval for doing something right was something he was unfamiliar with, but now that he had tasted it, he wanted more! It felt amazingly good to receive praise, rather than punishment, for something he did. It was an addictive feeling.

“ Thanks, grandpa. Mom. Benny. Derek... Derek!" He swatted away his brother's hands as Derek grabbed his head under his arm and rubbed the top of his hair with his knuckles. It didn't really hurt, but it indeed wasn't pleasant. Although the playful smile made him feel like his brother didn't mean anything bad with it.

"Now, now boys. Be nice to your brother , Derek. Don't even think about it, Harry." Sharon admonished her kids and took the lighter out of Harry's hand before he could set his brother on fire. "Remember, we're a family. And family takes care of each other !" She glared at them.

"Yes, mother..." They said in unison. At the dejected look in Harry's eyes, she melted a bit. 

“ Oh, alright! You can have your lighter back, but remember to only set fire to churches and missionaries next time, okay?" She said sternly as she handed him back his lighter.

"Okay! I promise! Thanks, ma. you're the best!" Harry said and grabbed his favourite lighter back. "Do you know if we have any gasoline or lighter fluid? I really wanted to set fire to the minister later."

* * *

Time flies when you're having fun, and with Harry's new family, it flew past in a blur. Suddenly one day Harry woke up and realised it was his 6'th birthday. It felt like he had only just been saved by his beautiful, new family, and yet at the same time as if he had lived here forever.

To Harry, every day was a blessing from Satan. When he woke up in what was now a rather vast room where there once was an attic. 

A room filled with posters of rock and metal bands, movie posters and his idols – like LaVey and Crowley – and a whole wall filled with books and DVDs... Hell... He even had his own tv and DVD player, a large desk with his very o w n PC, and also a large selection of horror movies that would have made every other parent fear their child would never sleep at night.

But Harry knew, with absolute certainty, that Satan...his fantastic – a nd, often funny – Father, always heard his prayers. But rather than hand him the solution to his problems, he gave him the tools and taught him how to handle them himself. In his opinion, that was much more valuable than getting things you wanted to drop into your lap.

It was still a point of pride to him that he had stolen, threatened and manipulated everyone around him into giving him either money or the actual things surrounding him. In a way, they were trophies; Prizes he won for his skills. He'd earned them. Or, well... Many of them. His lips twitched in a smile when he thought about how his new family spoiled him rotten sometimes.

He'd always been jealous of what Dudley had; Loving parents, being spoiled rotten and get everything he wanted, good friends who stood by him... And now Harry had the same! It tasted like triumph, and it tasted delicious!

And now, instead of spending his birthday locked up in a closet – getting a used cloth hanger, if anything at all, for a birthday present – he got a small pile of gifts from his entire, big, caring family! And instead of having nobody to love him, he now had parents, grandparents and two brothers! All he lacked was a sister, and he'd have absolutely everything!

" So what do you want for your birthday this year, Harry?" Sharon asked her oldest...and newest...son, smiling down at him.

"I want a baby sister!" Harry said with a grin. Sharon just laughed and ruffled his hair.

"Maybe someday, kid. But you know how much of a handful your brother is... Mom!" Sharon exclaimed, as she watched Damien jump at a newly killed, whole cow, and started eating it raw. "You'll spoil his appetite!" She said to her mother with a sigh. 

Harry couldn't help but snicker. His baby brother just loved raw meat. 

He also screeched like a demon out of hell when his mother pulled him away from the cow and put him in his baby-cage, while she went to put the cow in their walk-in fridge. (Made necessary by the large animals who got killed fairly often in the house.)

"Don't worry, brother." Harry walked over and sat down by his baby brother and whispered conspiratorially to him. "I'll go cut off a nice piece of meat for you when mom isn't looking later, yeah?" He smiled when his baby brother barred a mouth full of too-sharp teeth in a grin and reached for him. 

He couldn't speak just yet, but the whole family was expecting him to say his very first words any day now and was always trying to convince him to tell their own favourite words. Honestly, Harry placed his bet that his 'uncle' Benny would win. After all, how hard could it be to pronounce the word "Kill"?

* * *

Time had flown by much faster than he had ever anticipated, and when Harry woke up on this particularly dark and delightfully dreary morning, it was his 9'th birthday.

Harry was bouncing on his feet, trying out one combination of clothes after another. 

Should he wear the black robe? Or the red one with a pentagram? Should he wear the pentagram necklace? Or the inverted cross? Or the symbol of the Church of Satan? Or the serpent? Would all of them be too much?

Harry was getting ready for his very first real satanic ritual. It was a big day for him, and it was such an essential part of being a Satanist. 

His mom had decided that he had finally learned enough about Satanism to be allowed to participate, and Harry was both excited and very nervous.

What if his dad showed up and got disappointed in him for not wearing the right stuff? LaVey always went on about how vital Appearance was, and he suddenly felt like he had absolutely nothing to wear, and that all his robes were just not good enough! He almost sobbed at the prospect.

He had only just met his dad a few times, and his dad was Satan himself. He was a super-important guy! He had a whole Kingdom to run and humans to tempt, and Harry hardly got the chance to see him, so it was crucial for him that he looked his best on such a big and formal occasion.

He remembered his aunt breaking down and running out to buy new clothes when she was invited to those rich people once, and he had wondered why she even bothered... 

He suddenly understood the feeling, also if he felt it was WAY more important to impress a kinda-sorta deity that was nice and generous enough to take in a freak like HIM as a son. Oh, dear lords of Darkness... What if he got so disappointed in him , he decided he no longer wanted him?! Harry nearly broke into tears at the thought.

"Mom! I have nothing to wear for the Ritual!" h e cried out while holding one robe in each hand, trying to decide which was better, before they quickly followed everything else in his closet to the floor.

Sharon had to hide her smile behind her hand as she watched how her son fussed over every little detail for the ritual they were having. She remember ed how she felt the first time she was chosen to sacrifice her virginity to Satan...

She had been so in love with him and worshipped him for such a long time... it felt like forever, even if she was only 15 at the time... And she was both nervous and happy over being chosen... She had known it would be her ever since she was 12, of course. But this was her coming-of-age ritual and all... Ah... Memories~ .

"Mom!" Harry cried and broke her out of her daydreams. "Why are you smiling?! Help me! What do I wear?!" Harry blushed as she chuckled lightly, but she moved over to look over the pile of discarded clothes and a surprisingly large collection of jewellery that was on the floor... Some of it she was sure belonged to his brother. He must have stolen them, she thought proudly.

"Don't fret kiddo. Mommy's gonna help ya ." She said, smiling and hugging him lovingly. "Now let's see what we got to work with here..."

* * *

His grandfather, Stan DeVille and their Cult Leader, was standing in front of an altar, both arms raised in the air and a ritual dagger in his left hand. 

(He claimed it was a blessing from Satan himself that he was lefthanded...  Harry decided that with enough training, he could be left handed too! He had met with some...difficulties and made a mess, but he was convinced he could do it if he kept trying, and now refused to use anything but his left hand. Needless to say, nobody understood a word he wrote, but his mother claimed he was slowly improving.)

On the altar in front of him, there was a sheep strapped tightly to it, held down by ropes, and it was placed in the middle of a large inverted pentagram, pained in red paint on their back lawn. (They had first used the front yard, but the neighbours kept calling the cops, and it was just easier this way.)

The whole family was standing around him on the various points of the pentagram. Except for Damien, who was far too young to participate just yet.

"Hail to thee Lord Satan! You whom corrupts the human heart and bring terror to thine enemies! Show us your glory!" His grandfather started, as the High Priest of the ritual.

“ Show us your Power!" Mavis continued, her hands in the same position as his.

"We pray to thee!" Sharon shouted ecstatically. A shout that was repeated by everyone in unison a second time.

"We Invoke thee!" Harry shouted, proud to have remembered his line, and a bit nervous.

"Oh, Satan, Master of Earthly Delights, Hear our calls!" Benny said with an expression that made it abundantly clear that he was currently thinking about said delights as he spoke. 

"Teach us thy ways!" Benny spoke, loud and clear in his most ominous voice.

"We Summon and Stir thee!" The whole family intoned as one.

"We Invoke thee!"

"We invoke thee!"

"We invoke thee!!"

"Satan, fill me!" Each of the members screamed out in unison, as Stan plunged the sacrificial knife deep into the sheep's chest with a practised hand, killing it quickly.

Each of the family members fell back, exhausted, as they felt the power rush through them in a way they could never remember to have felt. They laughed in bliss as they felt Dark, delicious Power flood through their veins like magic.

Harry felt even more exhausted than the rest of his family. He was focused all his magic and will on the whole family getting the wonderful, Dark blessings of their Lord and Master. 

I n the process, combined with the ritual and sacrifice of life, he had unwittingly given his family a tiny bit of magic powers as well. Not much more than to make them similar to a squib, but it was a huge step up from being muggles. 

Not that any of them knew that, of course. Especially not little Harry, who were half asleep by the time his grandfather stepped around and smeared an inverted cross in blood across the forehead of all the participants.

Sharon smiled as she was carrying her oldest son to bed after the ritual was finished. He looked so happy, and he'd remembered every line perfectly. 

He looked like such a cute little devil in his new red robe, one just like the rest of the family wore, although this one had gold trimmings around the edge, to symbolise earthly gods and the sin of Greed. She was incredibly proud of him as she tucked him into bed that night and kissed him goodnight.

* * *

Ever since that ritual, the whole family felt as if they had been blessed by Satan's most unholy power... And over the next year or so, many strange and beautiful things happened to the family...

Derek had come running home one day, talking excitedly on how he'd seen a horrible abomination that looked like a scarecrow wielding a chainsaw up at the old Anderson farm.

Mavis had been swapping recipes with the ghost of a murdered housewife a few blocks down and had promised to talk to the current owners about changing that awful lime green colour they kept trying to pain t the sitting room in. 

The neighbours were both freaked out, and more than a little grateful, to find out just why the painting they put on didn't want to stay on the wall . T he noises of crying heard from the third bedroom had almost completely stopped after they dug up the old porcelain figurines that they had put in the attic and placed them back up. They were actually revealed they had never gotten around to throw away the stuff from the old owners.

Mrs Jones absolutely hated them, but she decided that it was worth putting up with a few old-fashioned figurines if it meant they could sleep peacefully again at night.

Sharon found herself nearly swirling off the road after seeing a strange zombie-horse of some kind running across the street. But it was gone before she could be sure of what exactly it was.

And Benny finally found the reason why all of his shinier jewellery always went missing; A strange little creature kept nicking it when his back was turned. When he caught it and shook it, he found enough gold and silver falling out of the creature's kangaroo-like pocket, to buy the whole family a nice, long vacation in Romania. 

They were all extremely excited to finally be able to hunt down Scholomance ... To think... The school that the Devil himself taught at! Oh, how much they looked forward to that!

Harry was especially excited at that last one. He had been completely obsessed with Scholomance ever since he was 7 years old, and he'd told his parents that he really, really, really wanted to go to Scholomance and learn Black Magic from the Devil himself! 

It was all he ever talked about lately. 

His family had indulged him, of course. They remembered when they were young and wish ed for the same, after all. But they weren't exactly wealthy. Mavis was a housewife, and Benny never seemed to have money to pay the rent. Nobody would hire Derek after the last disaster at the local Mc D onalds... 

Honestly , y ou'd think they'd never seen a rat before, the way they were screaming. Not to mention that  anyone could have dropped a few flowers into the meat-grinder and not noticed. 

Derek loved his Belladonna tea after all, and it was an honest mistake to forget he was holding them while balancing a tray of meat. They didn't have to call the cops on him. It wasn't as if he intentionally poisoned that group of kindergarteners.

Mavis blamed the new waitress. How could they expect their male employees to keep their head straight when they employed hot women to work the counter? Men were such simple creatures...unable to resist a woman's natural charms.

All in all, the only people who ever brought back money was Stan and Sharon. Sharon was very grateful that her mother could watch Damien when she was at work. She shuddered to think what would have become of her had she been a single mother, with that deadbeat of a father her boys had. 

She loved Satan and all, but he was terrible at taking care of his children. Always working and yet somehow never earning money to pay child support. Sharon harrumphed at the mere thought. They had just had one of their epic fights last night, but she was sure he'd come around. He always did. 

But two incomes was not a whole lot of money with which to feed a family of 7 on. Especially not in these days, with the cops watching everything on CC Cams, it was nearly impossible to make an honest living as a thief anymore. 

Which was, to be fair, the best career Derek could possibly hope for, Sharon thought with a sigh. His brother was utterly hopeless sometimes.

* * *

" Woa ~!" Harry looked up at what appeared to be a very well - hidden door in the side of an impressive mountain. Dark, thunderous clouds flashed down across the top, almost as if it centred around the mountain itself. The rest of his family seemed to agree with the statement, Benny and Sharon were both flashing their cameras at it.

"I can't believe we found it!" Harry said in awe.

"I can't believe you speak Romanian," Damien replied in a drawl.

"Just because you have no ambition doesn't mean I lack it!" Harry retorted, casting a quick, irritated glance at his brother.

Honestly , h e had been talking about going here ever since he was...well...since forever! Of course, he would learn Romanian! How else was he going to go to a school in Romania? Not to mention ask the locals where it was?

The locals had been surprisingly helpful. They kept warning them about this incredibly dark and evil place that nobody would go near, and how those who did so often vanished mysteriously. Or was found dead after ten years. The stories varied widely, and many of them had been passed down for generations.

It was pretty easy to figure out what area to head towards, just by observing where the locals absolutely refused to set foot, even under threats of death and dismemberment, courtesy of little Damien.

Damian, now age 5, seemed to have lost some of his more demonic features...like his tail... But his teeth were still a bit too sharp, and his grin still held a wicked edge to it. He didn't speak much, but when he spoke, all the other children ran away in fear. 

T he adults were more than a little creeped out by this kid, whom somehow was always dressed in impeccable clothes at all times, and his black hair combed down neatly. He looked the perfect image of a British boarding school boy...if it wasn't for his age. The fact that he never smiled, and his black eyes could stare down a cat did tend to unnerve most humans.

His mother complained about his appearance, but Damien quoted The Satanic Witch to his mother and talked about how important appearance was . S he finally gave up trying to make him wear those adorable red robes with a pentagram on the chest, like he used to when he was little.

To Sharon's despair Damien had managed to influence Harry to drop his robes as well –  although that could be the influence of listening to those metal bands , he was so fond of –  but she had to admit that, even though the robes were cuter, the black band t-shirts, black jeans and leather jackets or coats went well with the occult, satanic jewellery he was so fond of.

They'd had quite a row about the reversed cross in his ear tho ugh . She was insistent he waited until he was 13, but he wanted it now!

And even when she said no, Benny had ended up helping him, so all she could do was to sigh in defeat and ground them both for a week. Not that Benny cared or remembered that...

"Boys! No more fighting! Be nice to your brother, Harry. He's just five, and he takes after his...grandfather Lucifer. He doesn't mean anything by it , " Sharon said, hands on her hips, glaring at them.

"Sorry mother." The boys intoned, hanging their heads in shame. Harry got really frustrated with his brother sometimes, but he shouldn't be mean. Not to his brother. They were family after all, and family took care of each other. 

Damien was his younger brother. He was his responsibility, he had to remember that. One day Damien would take over the world, and Harry would be right by his side to help him. He silently swore to always look after his little brother, but he'd be damned if he would ever tell his brother that.

* * *

The door slowly opened, and a tall man with red hair, wearing the white woollen robes of a peasant came out. He held himself proud and tall, with an intimidating presence, and he held a strange tome in his hand.

"What do you want here strangers?" The man spoke in Romanian, making most of the family confused.

"Is this Scholomance ?! The Devil's School?! I wanna go here, oh!" Harry switched to English. "Mom, can I go here?! Please, please please?!" He begged his mother, making the most adorable puppy-dog eyes a ten-year-old dressed in black leather and military boots could make. Sharon found it cute.

"Ah. You tourist? How you find here?" The man spoke with a heavy Romanian accent.

"My grandson's always wanted to go to Scholomance , and we just ADORE the ambience!" Mavis said, clasping her hands in front of her happily. It was such a beautiful and spooky look to this place, and she wondered how she could get a permanent storm situated over their own house... The man blinked in surprise.

"In normal, man come find us much older. Adult. Child...too young." The man said, glaring at the now almost ten-year-old Harry. 

"Can we at least look around?" Harry asked with puppy-dog eyes after which followed an argument in quick Romanian that the rest of the family couldn't follow for the life of them. Not even Benny, who knew a few words of it.

"Fine!" The redheaded man sighed in defeat. "I call Master. He decide." He said grumpily, then proceeded to make a cawing sound, and pretty soon a crow showed up and landed on a branch nearby him. The crow and the man exchanged a few caws, and the crow took off.

A few minutes passed, with the red-haired man staring at the DeVille's in a failed attempt at intimidation. Ignoring the hyperactive questioning of the ten-year-old, and the unnerving stares of the younger child. You didn't get into such a prestigious academy for Dark Magic without nerves of steel after all.

“ Grigore . What seems to be the problem?" A tall, dark-haired man who looked no older than 20 stepped out of the door, speaking Romanian to his student, who explained the situation to him, apparently aggravated by the situation. He held himself with a grace and elegance belonging to someone much older, and there was a hint of ancient wisdom and power shining in his eyes and permeating the air around him.

After a quick discussion in Romania, the red-haired man walked inside and all but slammed the door shut after him. Apparently, he was in a bit of a mood that day.

“ Do excuse Grigore , travellers. We do not get many visitors, and it is nearly time for the exam." He smiled a charming smile, although his grey eyes were cold as steel. "I am Varujan Veaceslav.* Welcome to Şolomanţă \-- The most prestigious school for the Dark Arts in the western hemisphere."

"It IS Scholomance ! I knew it!" Harry bounced with joy. "I wanna see it! Can I see it?! Please, please please?!" He tried his puppy-dog eyes on the man, but all he got was a small amused smile. The man was no stranger to manipulations.

"I am flattered that someone from so far away desires so strongly to come to our school... However ... It may be some obstacles for you to overcome. 

“ First, the lessons are held purely in Romanian, not English I fear. It somewhat deters those who are not serious in their studies and think they can buy their way in." His sharp huff at the end told a story about just how many foolish foreigners who had tried that...and just how much he disdained them.

"I speak Romanian! Not perfect, but speak good. Mostly." Harry said excitedly in Romanian, happy that he had spent so much time to learn the language.

"That is good... But this is a prestigious school. Not to mention, you must have finished your magical education first. Assuming you even CAN do magic." At this, the headmaster's lip twitched slightly, as if he knew something that Harry didn't, and was teasing him.

"I can do magic!" Harry proclaimed stubbornly. "Look!" He placed his hand out towards a rock and focused all his powers towards it, willing it to rise. It was difficult to use magic directly. 

The Force users in the Star Wars movie made it look so simple , but he had to practice really, really hard just to get a small rock up, but he wanted to impress this man SO badly...

Slowly and wobbly, a stone the size of the average bed started to rise off the ground. Sweat broke out on Harry's forehead, but he kept focusing every bit of energy he had on making it rise. 

"Up. Up. Up. Up. Up dammit!" He yelled at the rock. However, just as he saw stars, he felt the cold, clammy hands of the man pulling him away, and he lost his focus.

"Careful, young one. You'll exhaust your magical reserves." He said, but now he was looking at him with an asserting gaze. Harry nearly sobbed. He couldn't make it rise past his chest height. It was embarrassing.

"No. I can do it, I just...need more training!" He said stubbornly and wiped the tears of shame and embarrassment from his eyes. The man looked at him with the first genuine emotions they had seen; Shock.

"You really do not know, do you...?" He spoke softly. "Child... Wandless magic takes a lot of power and focus. Almost all magic users use a Foci of some sort because it makes them able to do bigger things. I believe British and American wizards use wands..." The man said, not specifying what they used here. "Not to mention, your magic is not fully developed yet at your age." He smiled at him. 

"That was quite impressive."

"Then you think I can get in?!" Harry said with a hopeful expression on his face, which made the man let out a hearty...if cold...laugh.

"Finish your magic education first, and we will see. Although I must warn you that we only take ten students each year. And only the absolute best of the best get in. You will need the highest grades possible in your school to stand a chance. And maybe some private tutoring before taking the entrance exa m, " Veaceslav explaine d. 

The boy had power. If he worked hard, he might become someone of great power someday... Who was he to stand in the way for such a noble goal? After all ... It took great strength and wisdom to become a Solomonari , and control the Great Dragon, Balaur.*

"I can do it! I know I can! Do you offer private tutors?! Or a letter correspondence?!" Harry bounced with enthusiasm at the thought of learning such beautiful things, like, right now!

Veaceslav smiled at the enthusiastic child. It was almost endearing to see someone being so excited about Evil. A rare sight nowadays. People just took life too seriously after they dedicated themselves to becoming Evil, and forgot about how fun it could be. 

He caught himself before he started reminiscing about his own youth. Those were the days...

"If you work hard, get good grades, and gain great Power... I don't see why not." Then he smirked predatorily, letting his true nature shine through the polite mask. "Of course, you must also be absolutely dedicated to Evil. No one can ride the Great Dragon without being attuned to it, and strong enough to control it , " h e warned.

Much to his surprise Harry nodded and looked much more severe....in the way only a child trying to act grownup could. It was cute. 

"I am. I will. I will show the world what true Evil is! Hail Satan!" He said, his arm shooting up like a German military officer in salutations to his Father, the Devil.

" Grindină Satană ."* He smiled back at the child. He was sure someone looking that adorable could do much Evil in the world before he was caught.

"Now, if you come with me, I will show you around the school a bit. But it must be a quick visit. Gnarl, one of the worlds leading experts on Evil is coming to us to hold a seminar in a few hours, and Maricara *, our Dark Arts teacher is a Striga and only teaches her classes at night... Not that the daylight ever reaches the school, but she is very insistent on upholding the tradition of sleeping during the day. Something about a biological clockwork... And..." He opened the book he was carrying under his arm and looked inside it. "It is not long until the sun rises. And she is the one you will have to speak to about preschool tutoring."

The family followed after the Headmaster down into the mountain itself. Scholomance was a dark and mysterious place, going deep underground. 

It was the tradition that the new students did not see the light of day for the 7 years they studied there... Except, of course, when they went into the village to get food and supplies. 

The weaker students were known to beg for their food, while the smart and strong ones simply stole it, as it was school policy to never provide the students with anything. It built character. And hunger for power, especially when the stronger students stole their food. 

The DeVille family returned back to their camp happy and in high spirits that day, and proceeded to hold a ritual where they sacrificed one of the local sheep they had come across to thank their lord Satan for this beautiful day.

Non were more happy that little Harry, who went to sleep with his Yog-Sothoth plush ie in his arms and a smile on his face.

* * *

* Scholomonariu is a wizard believed, in Romanian folklore to ride a dragon ( zmeu [b] or a balaur ) and control the weather, causing rain, thunder, or hailstorm. (Study there are 7 years.) Only one student is chosen from the 10.

* Varujan  - Bird of prey. 

Veaceslav  - Romanian form of Vaclav, meaning more glory.

* A balaur is a creature in Romanian folklore, similar to a European dragon.  A balaur is quite large, has fins, feet, and is polycephalous (it usually has three, sometimes seven, or even twelve serpent heads). As a traditional character which is found in most Romanian fairy tales, it represents Evil and must be defeated by Făt-Frumos to release the princess. It is also believed, in Wallachia that the saliva of a balaur can form precious stones

* Maricara     A sea of bitterness, or rebelliousness.

* Grindină Satană \- Hail Satan in Romanian.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I will most likely keep writing on this fic, tho I may be a bit slow. Please feel to encourage me with comments and suggestions on what you'd like to see happen, or what could be done better. ^^


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